forget the beef, where's the peace?

It's 1:15 am and this is my free time. I haven't posted in such a long time due to the fact that I have recently given birth yet again. This pregnancy was much harder than the first one and I am just now starting to aquire some sort of normalcy. Ah...where to begin?

I spent a great deal of this pregnancy feeling very depressed and stressed out. Should I talk about that or about how it all lead up to me going into labor two weeks early and giving birth naturally in an operating room, not at all how I had planned.

Or should I focus on the now, and how strange it is to quit working to be a stay at home mom to a newborn and almost three year old. To worry about being a one income family, about being a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, sister, friend, about losing myself completely...

Will I ever find peace again? or the time to paint?

These are the questions I torture myself with. I'm convinced if I try to start documenting them it may all become clear, or at least a bit less foggy.